Hartige taal

Een perspectief voor verandering: kijk met andere ogen naar jezelf

Voor verandering is een nieuw perspectief nodig. De onbewuste overtuigingen die we hebben over onszelf en over de wereld blokkeren de boel. Een discussie of je realistisch of cynisch denkt over de wereld leidt tot niks. Een somber gevoel zet niet aan tot verandering, een dankbaar of trots gevoel wel.  Tori Amos zingt in Flavor: “Battle of the minds, cries from below, cries from above, you must pick a side, will you choose fear, will you choose love?” Die vraag raakt me: het is voor mij de essentie. Ik heb in elke situatie opnieuw die keuze. Wanneer ik dwars door de buitenste laag van verwijten kan kijken naar de mens erachter, is dat prettiger voor degene tegenover me. Hoe gaaf is het, dat dit ook prettiger voelt voor jezelf. Ik citeer Marshall Rosenberg: “The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel.”

Of je kiest voor liefde of angst heeft direct te maken met je beeld van jezelf. Hoe je met jezelf omgaat, bepaalt hoe je omgaat met mensen om je heen. Onbewust zelfoordeel is een roadblock voor liefde voor jezelf. En zonder die liefde in jezelf is het lastig om authentiek en vrij te leven, vanuit respect en vertrouwen.

Charlie Chaplin, de man die mij raakte met zijn prachtige speech in The Great Dictator, schreef op zijn 70e onderstaande tekst. Het beschrijft wat ik op deze website beweer: verbinding met de ander begint bij verbinding met jezelf.

“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”

Charlie Chaplin